Member question:
Struggling with immediate sass from the seven-year-old. It seems to especially happen when we are trying to be helpful, like going over directions for school work. (I don’t think it’s tied to school work. That was just the first example that came to mind.)
Rachel’s response:
Immediate sass is a sign of Yuck… Do you think that your attempt to be helpful makes her feel like you’re trying to control her and/or ashamed that she doesn’t know how to do something on her own?
Member response:
Both those things are a possibility! She’s into doing grown up things, when she’s at her best (calm, not impulsive).
Rachel’s response:
Yup, makes sense. So ultimately, in the moment you want to just recognize that she’s in Yuck. Let her travel the Yuck curve and her behavior will change.
If you want this to improve, I’d actually address the issue more proactively. Start in her world — let her know that you guess that it’s annoying to her when you are trying to be helpful because she likes to do things on her own. Then let her know that you would like her to respond differently when you make suggestions to her, and help her find a new way to respond that respects her needs and yours. Finally, ask her what she’d like you to do if she doesn’t respond in the more respectful way. This is a great way to treat her like a “grown up” (asking for her opinion) while teaching her better ways to handle her Yuck.
Member response:
That all makes sense. Thank you!