Member question:

We left a party yesterday, and I had my 1 year old in the Ergo, I was holding my 3 yr old’s socks and shoes, and holding my 3 yr old’s hand so he wouldn’t run off as we were walking to the car. My 6 yr old kept yelling at me to hold her socks and I said that I could not carry them since my hands were full. I get that she was tired but she screamed, yelled, etc. Do I just let her do that until she calms down? She wanted a balloon and I told her no because of the way she was acting. She continued to flip out.

She flips out a lot and stands in front of me screaming, “I need to tell you something”. When I ask her what she wants to tell me she doesn’t say anything but repeats the phrase over and over. I need to deregulate and get away but have a hard time riding the curve because I’m getting bombarded.

Sounds like I need to just be there until she calms down? Sometimes she does ask to be held which is a huge help, but other times doesn’t want to be touched.

This parenting thing is tough!


Rachel’s response:

Yes, ULTIMATELY she needs tools to regulate herself so that she doesn’t scream at you, but until she is taught how to do that, she genuinely doesn’t know how to do something different

Until then, our calm presence
a.) helps kids calm down (I love this quote: “When our kids are having big emotions, it’s our job to share our calm, not jump in their chaos.”)
b.) models what it looks like to stay in control of your emotions even when things aren’t going your way.

Here’s more information about Yuck and what happens in the brain: