@rachelb (Please move is this is better somewhere else.) Do you have a script or thoughts to tell yourself when there really is something you need to do and no one is cooperating? I work part time, and something that came up at 5:30 resulted in more work I need to do before tomorrow, but neither child is asleep yet. I wanted to work 7:00-9:00, and night routine was a complete mess with my child hitting, scratching, and trying to bite. I think it's because she went to sleep very late last night and was exhausted, and I physically moved after she refused to get in the shower, which made her angry. (Usually night routine is good, but she doesn't fall asleep for a long time. That also keeps me up later than I want, like last night.) Today night routine didn't go very well with her or me. I think my "trigger" was that I saw my work time eroding. I did think about how she was still in yuck and was calmer than I sometimes am, but I still didn't know what to do and threatened to take away all the books in her room, which might be a good idea given that she reads instead of sleeps, but it was still mean at the time.
@do_better_2019 I don't have a script for this one, but it's a great question! (And I think I should do one!)
If I were to write a script, the jist would be on changing your thoughts from "Ugh, my work time is eroding," to "in the grand scheme of what matters to me in this life, my child is more important than my work" AND "getting upset that I'm losing work time is only going to make me more upset, which will make her more upset, which will prolong bedtime."
I'd also include a thought that "if something like this keeps happening over and over, I'll have to make a plan for how to deal with it on a more regular basis."
It's important to recognize that the thought "Ugh, my work time is eroding" is natural... and it's an accurate thought. It's just not a useful one, meaning it only creates a "threat" in your mind and doesn't actually help you improve the speed of bedtime.
Does that help?
Yes, I think that helps. Thanks! For me the specific scripts are very helpful. It's hard for me to take something general and apply it to my issues that seem specific, so I like that you have a lot of different scenarios. I had tried some other positive discipline classes, etc., in the past, and they were too theoretical or all-encompassing/overwhelming. Not sure the exact issue, but I know it is helped by specific scripts. 🙂