Member question:
I wake up to fighting in my own bed by my girls which stresses me out first thing and puts me in a bad mood for the rest of the day. This is then exacerbated by my husband not handling the situation and therefore I get to deal with it when I’m already stressed out from the way I have been woken up already. How do I deal with my own yuck that is started from my family but they need me to handle theirs first? It’s like parenting chicken and the egg problem.
Rachel’s response:
First-thing-in-the-morning Yuck is the worst! NO ONE wants to wake up like that.
So your question was: How do I deal with my own yuck that is started from my family but they need me to handle theirs first?
In all honesty, you can’t handle their Yuck first. When we’re in Yuck our brains don’t allow us to focus on helping other people out of Yuck. (When we’re in Yuck, our brains focus on getting us what WE need first.) While ideally you don’t wake up in Yuck, if you do, then the most effective thing is to get yourself out of it before trying to help with theirs. How have you been able to reduce your Yuck in the past?
Member’s response:
Well, the problem is my yuck gets worse the more the fighting goes on so I need to stop the fighting or I can’t calm down. I usually have to walk away from the situation to calm down.
Rachel’s response:
Walking away from the situation is completely appropriate. Although it’s possible to work through triggers so that their fighting doesn’t make your Yuck worse, it takes more energy to do that! Better to step away from the situation, get yourself together, and then go back when you’re not in Yuck and can help them.