Member question:

My big emotions daughter yells “no” and thinks that it’s okay to talk to us like that….remind me….stay calm and remind her no matter how frustrated we are, we can’t talk like that? That hasn’t been working….I have to trick her into starting a school assignment in a fun way and then she will continue to do the assignments but it’s a struggle to get it started….


Rachel’s response:

It’s hard to know in the moment what you to do when someone is yelling at you! 😉

But no, reminding her when she’s in Yuck that she can’t talk like that won’t “work.” Unfortunately nothing “works” when someone is in Yuck except letting them travel the curve without getting sucked in. I wish there were a hack for this but there just isn’t. When we’re in Yuck we can’t access the rational, mature “this is how I’m supposed to act” part of our brain. As adults, we struggle with this too.

To address the schoolwork issue (since that’s what seems to be causing her Yuck??) I would definitely work more proactively with her on how she can get her assignments done even when she doesn’t feel like it. The Joint Problem Solving Strategy will be gold here: