Dear Rachel I need help! I am doing all the techniques for staying calm and my husband is trying also. But we have a SCREAMER. Like glass shattering, china breaking, blood coming out of your ears I am going to die SCREAMER! She does it when she gets the least bit frustrated or hurt or from I can tell...she just feels like a good scream!!! Mommy and daddy work very hard to keep out of yuck but the physical pain in your ears is pretty hard to recover from because it also puts me into immediate fight or flight. Because that sound is designed to make mothers come running Lol. She is so ear piercing, the drs in the ER in her last trip wouldn’t come into the room! They examined her from the hallway! I have a blessed screamer! Ha ha ok! I try some humor but the struggle is real!What do I say to her when she screams like that!? I’ve been telling her, “we don’t scream, we ask mommy for help” I tell her mommy please help! I can’t help it though, sometimes I just yell her name and give her a look! Can you give me a script!? If I have script maybe I can do this LOL
@cosmos Ack! As someone who is sensitive to loud noises, I FEEL YOUR PAIN!! And honestly, it is INCREDIBLY hard to be calm when someone is screaming like that, so give yourself a little break.
Unfortunately, once she's in that place of Yuck, there's not much you can say to get her to stop screaming. (That's why you haven't found anything that works yet!) You've probably heard me say this before, but once someone enters the curve of Yuck, there's not much you can say to get them out of it. Unfortunately, it takes safety and time for them to act differently.
I'd REALLY focus more proactively on teaching her new ways to handle her Yuck. Since she's screaming, she is going to need a PHYSICAL release when she gets really upset, as screaming is a physical way of discharging all of her discomfort. (If she's really upset, she's unlikely to just "use her words" since it's not enough of a release.) So I'd help her find another way for her to get out that energy -- whether it's ripping paper or coloring really hard with a crayon on a piece of paper or crumpling up paper into a ball or squeezing a stuffed animal as hard as she can. (Check out the "Yuck Release Strategies" document for more ideas.)
MOST IMPORTANTLY, she must, must, must practice these strategies between times of Yuck. Do role plays, talk about it, ask her what she'd do in certain situations. In moments of Yuck, we default immediately to the behaviors we've done before in the past. And since she's screamed many times, she'll need to practice the new behavior over and over before it becomes more instinctive than screaming.
I hope that makes sense, but let me know if you have any other questions!
